“Just you wait until Wimbledon”, says weather

The British weather has spoken out following the dryest April on record as warm and sunny conditions continue across the country.

The weather told reporters, “Look, I’ve got shit loads of sunny weather and it’s coming out of my arse at the moment.

“I’d rather use it all now and save all the rain for when people arrange BBQs and music festivals. It’s fun. Just wait until Wimbledon – I’m gonna piss all over that!”

When asked why, the weather responded with, “It’s my favourite time of year! I never tire of giving people a false sense of security that they’re actually going to get a nice summer, before cancelling the whole season and pelting them with perpetual drizzle and gale-force winds. Glastonbury is going to be a right hoot!

“And to top it all off, I’ll offer a few sunny days in October as a way of taunting people with what they could have had.

“Then, before you know it, it’s winter and I get to bring out the snow. Not enough for a day off, but plenty to make getting to work a nightmare.

“I love being weather, me!”

British Summer T-shirt – all the weather, all the time!

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