Donald Trump launches early re-election campaign with ‘F**k the Constitution 2028’ merchandise

Donald Trump has begun his campaign for a third presidential term with a range of new ‘F**k The Constitution 2028’ merchandise.

His bold new slogan is emblazoned on everything from trucker hats to T-shirts and limited-edition gold-plated Bibles.

The move comes after Trump strongly hinted he might run for a third term, despite the pesky 22nd Amendment saying he absolutely cannot.

In response, Trump dismissed the Constitution as “a loose set of guidelines, kind of like the Pirate Code or a diet plan.”

“People keep saying I can’t run again for a third term,” said Trump at an impromptu rally held outside the White House, “but that’s just a hundred year old fake news written in old parchment.

“I’ve been told – by many people, great people – that as President I’m allowed to ignore amendments if I don’t like them. Because that’s how amendments work.”

When asked why he wouldn’t also consider changing the 2nd Amendment – given its effect on the lives of everyday Americans – Trump responded, “Guns are sacred. Like cheeseburgers and the Electoral College.”

Supporters have already started queueing for the new merchandise, including a commemorative coin featuring Trump giving the Founding Fathers a wedgie, and a “Make Treason Great Again” hoodie.

Legal scholars have expressed mild concern at the announcement.

“Traditionally, running for a third term would be considered completely unconstitutional,” said Professor Chuck Williams from the Yale department of Trying To Keep Up With Everything, “but tradition also said Presidents shouldn’t pretend a previous election was stolen from them, so here we are.”

Meanwhile, Trump has reportedly commissioned a new, simplified version of the Constitution, written in crayon and featuring only two rules: 1) Trump is President, and 2) See rule 1.

At press time, a spokesperson for the campaign clarified the slogan was not, in fact, anti-Constitution, but rather “just a strong, sexy rebrand.”

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