Trump administration begins conclave to select which lunatic will replace Elon Musk

The Trump administration has today locked themselves in the White House Cabinet Room to vote for a successor to the departing Elon Musk. 

The billionaire announced this week that he would be significantly cutting back his role within the US government after Tesla reported a huge drop in profits, with the Trump administration now poised to choose a new nutter to take charge of DOGE.

“The door has been sealed shut and the voting has begun,” said White House correspondent Chet Williams.

“There are a few names being thrown around by bookmakers as the possible successor. David Duke, Mark Zuckerberg and Dirty Den are seen as big favourites around Washington. They’re going to have to be pretty fucking crazy to top Elon Musk, though.

“I’d expect a decision to be made in the next fortnight or so. The crowds are already gathering in the Rose Garden, just waiting for that orange smoke to rise from the White House chimney. Or I suppose they could just wait for Pete Hesgeth to add them to the top-secret conclave group chat.

“The feeling around here is that former grand wizard of the KKK David Duke would be the best choice. He’s hasn’t quite achieved the Nazi status of Musk, but I’m sure he could handle DOGE okay.”

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