Report: Your penis just touched the same part of the toilet seat as your colleague’s penis

A new report has revealed that, as you sat down on the toilet, your penis touched the seat in exactly the same place as your colleague’s penis who had sat on the seat merely ten minutes ago.

“The results of this report are going to be immensely troubling for you,” explained Simon Williams, the scientist who led investigations that led to this report.

“Both yours and your colleague’s penis touched exactly the same part of the toilet seat. It’s very unlikely that the seat was cleaned or even given a cursory wipe before you sat down so, in effect, it’s pretty much the same thing as your penis touching his penis.”

The findings of the report will have severe implications for you as you enter a meeting with the particular colleague whose penis touched the same part of the toilet seat as your penis.

Whilst you will do your best to focus on the sales forecasts for the second quarter in the south east, the proximity of your two members will play constantly on your mind.

What will the consequences of this newfound penile intimacy have on you and your colleague? Doctor Williams was unsure but advised staying calm.

“There’s nothing obvious to be concerned about. The likelihood is that this sort of thing happens all the time. The main concern here is the amount of time you’ve just spent thinking about your co-worker’s penis.

“Pervert.”