MAGA sorting hat refusing to let brown people into Hogwarts this year

Foreign pupils arriving at Hogwarts are being left disappointed after it emerged that the Sorting Hat is only allowing the white ones in.

Faced with a large influx of new potential students, the sorting hat has excited controversy by shouting “Mexico!”, “Haiti!” and “Venezuela!” at non-white pupils rather than the traditional choice of Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw.

Rejected students have complained about the move, saying they want to get into Hogwarts to work hard, contribute and seek protection from Death Eaters – but the Sorting Hat responded by telling them they should stay at their local school and work to make that more magical instead.

“It’s not just the sorting hat. Slytherins have been using stunning charms and dungbombs to stop potential students even getting to the school, never mind getting sorted into the houses,” said Professor Sprout under the condition of anonymity.

However, supporters of the hat defended its record.

“Accusing the sorting hat of having only got the job due to mind-altering charms from Durmstrang is a witch hunt,” we were told.

“A witch hunt at Hogwarts? How ridiculous is that.  There’s no chance they’ll find any here.”

In other news, Kingsley Shacklebolt has been deported despite having been born in this country and never having left it in his life.

Advertisement

TopicalT-shirts

Wear your opinions and maybe even annoy a politician or two!

See the full collection →