Deadline for kids to tell their parents about all the new stuff they still need for school extended to the night before they go back

The deadline for kids to tell their parents about all the new stuff they still need for school this year has been extended to the night before they go back. 

Following days of intensive talks, the National Union of Children, Tweens & Teenagers (NUCTT) have advised their members that they should casually mention the hundreds of things they still need shortly before their bedtime on the last night of the summer holiday. 

It’s believed the NUCTT made the decision in retaliation for parents’ refusal to increase pocket money in line with inflation. 

School uniform shops – who are among the NUCTT’s biggest donors – are planning to extend their opening hours in order to meet the expected last-minute demand from exasperated mums, dads and legal guardians. It is also rumoured that they’ll be increasing their prices from “highway bloody robbery” to “total f**king extortion.”

In addition to selling clothing, the shops will also be offering AI-generated “What I did during my summer holiday” essays, and providing a service to use photos of kids watching TV and photoshopping them into pictures of educational summer trips.

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