Loser nerds waste their time starting funny little ‘computer’ project in their garage

April 4th, 1976: From the archives

CALIFORNIA — Two long-haired hobbyists with an apparent aversion to sunlight have reportedly begun tinkering with what they are calling a “personal computer” in a suburban garage, prompting widespread indifference and at least one polite chuckle from the real world.

The pair, who experts confirm are “definitely the sort of blokes who remind teachers about homework,” claim their cobbled-together electronic box could one day be useful for ordinary people, despite computers currently being the size of wardrobes and operated exclusively by serious men in ties.

Witnesses say the so-called project involves circuit boards, wires, and an alarming amount of enthusiasm for something that doesn’t even have a proper purpose yet.

“It’s quite sweet, really,” said neighbour Harold Jenkins, watching the duo excitedly discuss ‘interfaces’ and ‘user accessibility’ while forgetting to comb their hair. “Like children setting up a lemonade stand, except instead of lemonade it’s… whatever that blinking thing is.”

Industry professionals were quick to dismiss the effort as another example of nerds misunderstanding how the real world works.

“Computers are for governments, large corporations, and rooms with air conditioning,” said one expert, adjusting his cufflinks. “The idea that normal people would want one in their home is frankly adorable.”

Sources confirm the pair intend to form a company around their invention, despite possessing neither business experience nor any apparent grasp of social interaction.

At press time, the two were seen celebrating a minor technical breakthrough, which raises concerns about their ability to achieve meaningful, real-world success.