As Storm Francis shows signs of weakening, Storm Boris enters 14th month of wreaking havoc across the country

Weather forecasters have today warned that Storm Boris will carry on making parts of the UK uninhabitable for the foreseeable future, continuing to cause travel disruption, homelessness and presenting a serious threat to life.

“Storm Boris has definitely been the deadliest storm that we have experienced in the UK since records began. It has even blown the UK away from the European mainland,” said met office spokeswoman Wincie Williams today.

Since the big, blustery bastard blew in just over a year ago, it has caused deluges of poverty, class division and heavy racism, which gathered pace as they crossed the Atlantic and settled in the UK.

However, Ms Williams warned that there is far worse to come before the storm blows itself out.

“As with all storms, storm Boris lacks a moral compass, which is what makes it so dangerous. It has already destroyed schools and hospitals and killed thousands of people, mainly due to its unpredictability, slow progress and maximum levels of bluster.

“This random fickleness is something that we have never seen before. Often, just when it looks like moving off into the channel towards the continent, it makes a sudden U-turn and sweeps back across the country again, often gusting in ways that we couldn’t have possibly forecast.”

It is predicted that should Storm Boris continue to rage across the UK for the next couple of years, then the country could find itself isolated thousands of miles from its nearest neighbour, with little hope of survival.

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