Wednesday 26 August 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Racist man with sordid past somehow unbothered by Britain’s racist, sordid past


Boris Johnson fists

Boris Johnson wants you to stop being so namby-pamby about anything Britain may have done in the past, even if some of it was objectively wrong.

The Prime Minister pushed aside minor issues such as Coronavirus or the deepest recession since God was a little boy in order to weigh in on the vital issue of the BBC Proms Playlist.

The BBC has opted to play musical variations of “Land of Hope and Glory” and “Rule, Britannia”.

“Disgraceful behaviour,” said Johnson, who has had at least three affairs and one love child.

“Look, Britain has a past. It is littered with “interesting” activities, but we should still be allowed to sing songs that celebrate those activities.

“I mean why not, for God’s sake? What are we supposed to do? Step back and take a look at our own history and conclude that, while Britain has done some great things, it has also done some terrible things in the name of ‘the empire’ which we shouldn’t be proud of, much less sing songs about? Not on my watch.

“Such self-awareness is for the elites, old boy. And if there’s one thing I learned at Eton, it’s never to trust those elites,” concluded Johnson, who has used his newspaper column to refer to homosexuals as “bum boys” and black people as “picaninnies”.

BBC proms spokesperson, Hayley Rice, said, “We are of course staggered to hear that Boris Johnson isn’t keen on taking a look at what’s happened in the past and subsequently attempting to atone for any of it.

“I would respond to him directly but I’m mildly concerned he might try to shag me, so I think I’ll just leave it.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get your best-selling T-shirt here!

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