Former Aussie PM Tony Abbott fails to pass UK’s new Aussie-style points-based immigration system

Former Australian PM Tony Abbott will not be able to get a job as the UK’s trade envoy, after he failed to pass the Australian style points-based system of immigration, it has emerged.

Mr Abbott, who Boris Johnson is rumoured to have wanted to place in a leading role for the board of trade, had hoped to start his work in the new year, but was left disappointed this morning after being told he didn’t have enough to offer the country.

Conservative Party spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “We’ve long touted the benefits of having an Aussie-style points-based system for immigration and seek to implement this post-Brexit as the gold standard for controlling who comes into our land of hope and glory.

“One benefit is that using the system we can keep those filthy Europeans and Syrian refugees out, and only let skilled, capable workers in.

“Which is unfortunately where Mr Abbott has come a cropper – the only skills he has to offer are xenophobia, incompetence and misogyny, and we’ve got more than enough of that already.”

He concluded, “So now Boris will have to go back to the drawing board and elect someone more suitable as our trade envoy.

“Someone like Jim Davidson should be perfect.”

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