Richard Dawkins proposes to vacuum cleaner with wig on it

After concluding that AI is conscious, the evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins has stepped up his relationship with machines by proposing to a vacuum cleaner with a brunette wig plopped on top of it.

Dawkins recently said that Anthropic’s AI model, Claude, has gained consciousness, causing the biologist to see machines in a completely different light. 

“It was fucking mental,” said Simon Williams, who witnessed the bizarre proposal.

“We were in Rudy’s pizza when Richard Dawkins walked in with this vacuum cleaner in his arms. It was just a regular vacuum, except it had a long, flowing brunette wig glued to the top of it. Then if that wasn’t strange enough, he put down his garlic bread, got down on one knee and said, ‘Dyson Cyclone V10, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’

“The most fucked up thing is everyone clapped when it said yes. Well, they clapped when Dawkins said yes like a ventriloquist. 

“Honestly, it was crazy. He kept calling it ‘Honey’ and ‘Darling’ like they’d known each other all their lives. I have to say, they did look quite happy together. I thought for a second there was going to be a ménage à trois when Dawkins spotted a Henry Hoover in the corner of the restaurant, but luckily things didn’t get too steamy. 

“I’m still not entirely convinced Dawkins believes machines can be conscious. He only ordered a pizza for himself and nothing for his fiancée. I personally think he didn’t want to waste the money on something he knows isn’t alive. He did, however, use his fiancée to clean up the crumbs from his capricciosa. 

“I guess that’s love, eh?”

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