Nigel Farage spotted using giant novelty cheque as milkshake shield

Reform UK leader Nigel Farage has been spotted using a giant novelty cheque as a milkshake shield following reports he accepted a £5 million gift to pay for ‘personal protection’.

Farage received the £5m security donation from Reform mega-donor Christopher Harborne before becoming an MP, with Farage deciding to use the giant cheque as a shield against flying milkshakes.

“It works a treat,” said Farage, deflecting yet another strawberry milkshake.

“I think most people thought I was going to use the money to hire bodyguards or a security detail. I find this method works a lot better, though.

“Sure, it doesn’t really protect against anything other than flying milkshakes. But to be honest, that’s about 99% of the security threats I face anyway. 

“I quite like the giant cheque shield because it makes me feel like Captain America. The only difference being Captain America fought the Nazis and I idolised them instead.

“Hey, I know. Why don’t we assemble a Reform Avengers? We could get Richard Tice a Thor hammer. A hammer that only tax avoiders will be worthy enough to lift. Oh, and Lee Anderson could be Loki! They both constantly switch sides to whichever team benefits them on that particular day.

“This is absolute gold! I need to get Kevin Feige on the phone right away!”

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