US Congress apologise for starting Andrew letter with ‘Dear Nonce’

Members of US Congress have apologised for beginning their summons letter to Andrew Mountbatten Windsor with ‘Dear Nonce’.

Democratic members of the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform have requested a meeting with the former Prince in relation to their investigation into Jeffrey Epstein, though did admit that addressing him as ‘Nonce’ may have been a bit unprofessional.

“We’ve heard so many people in the UK using the term that we just assumed it was a nickname,” said committee member Chuck Williams. 

“Like how my real name is Charles, but everyone calls me Chuck. I thought it was a similar kind of thing. Now I’ve been told that ‘Nonce’ has a more malicious meaning across the pond. So yeah, we apologise to Andrew. We didn’t mean anything by it.

“Thinking about it, we should probably change his place card from ‘Sweaty Nonce’ as well. It’s going to be quite embarrassing for him when he sits down to address Congress and sees that name. Although, ‘Andrew Mountbatten Windsor’ is hardly any better. He sounds like a character from Cluedo.

“Look, we’re just glad he received the letter at all. We’ve heard he’s had some trouble finding a place to stay recently, but the staff at Pizza Express assured me they’d pass it along. Apparently he’s quite the regular.”

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