Great replacement theorist remains unable to locate any white females willing to procreate with him

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Simon Williams, a committed believer in the great replacement theory, is fundamentally struggling to increase the total number of white people on the planet due to an extreme lack of willing sexual partners, it has emerged. 

Williams, whose small talk generally focuses on how few Caucasians he sees during TV advertising breaks, summarised an average night out trying to save the white race.

“Well, of course I will open by referring to my self-published research ‘Racial-Profiling: An ITV study into Reverse-Discrimination’, just to test the water.

“If they sidle away immediately, I know they’re an ethno-masochistic traitor to the UK, and I’ll move on. I’m not going to share my genetic wealth with them.

“However, if she shows any interest, I offer to add her to my mailing list. I’m careful to stress there’s no chance I’ll be using her details to send unsolicited dick pics, just to put them at ease.

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“So far there has been no interest. Like, zero.”

Jess Roberts, who Williams described as being “Correctly placed on the spectrum”, described her encounter with Williams as she attempted to order a coffee.

She explained, “He told me ‘The situation is dire, the WEF’s plans are nearing completion. Allow me access to your vagina as a matter of urgency, so we might redress this impending societal imbalance!

“When I politely insisted I wouldn’t be having sex with him, he said “Ah, so they’ve gotten to you, too…” in what I imagine he thought to be an ‘enigmatic’ way.

“Later that evening, he tagged me in a post about hapless foot-soldiers of the global elite and how the “insidious Daughters of Davos” were polluting our very genes.

“He has no followers.”

Williams himself conceded the challenges he faces as a self-described genetic patriot, admitting ‘It’s true, I haven’t had sex –this– year.’ seemingly implying, somewhat unconvincingly, that he’d had sex in previous years. 

A source close to Williams confirmed, “It’s a numbers game for him; he doesn’t want to have sex with non-white women, and fortunately, they also don’t want to have sex with him.

“However, we wants to have sex with white women, but unfortunately they also don’t want to have sex with him. He said he might consider having sex with a woman with fake tan on – despite it ‘being a risk’ apparently – but again they also do not want to have sex with him.”

“Just do yourself a favour and don’t subscribe to that newsletter. He’s making promises he’s incapable of keeping about the dick pics.”

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