Clacton voters given historic opportunity to tell Nigel Farage to shove it up his hoop

author avatar by 2 weeks ago

The general election presents a unique opportunity for Clacton voters to tell Nigel Farage to shove it up his hoop, it has emerged this afternoon.

After Nigel Farage announced he would be running for parliament in the Clacton constituency, the general election has become less about who will run the country for the next five years, and more a historic opportunity to tell Nigel Farage to get fucked.

However, the main political parties have united in their position that politics should be about working together to achieve common goals and telling chain-smoking racists to go fuck themselves.

Constitutional democracy expert, Simon Williams, said, “Setting aside the various economic arguments about the best way to the run the country, Britain will wake on 5th July either of two plausible realities.

“One in which the downcast Reform leader has been roundly told to fuck the fuck off, or another in which he enjoys a prolonged, ill-tempered orgasm on the GMB sofa.”

NewsThump Hoodies

Williams urged Clacton residents to imagine a forward-looking country in which Nigel Farage isn’t constantly force-fed onto our screens and dragged to appear on Question Time to attract rubber-necking viewers.

“In years to come, you will be asked by your grandchildren about this election, and you will want to answer them with a clear conscience when you tell them, yes, I told Nigel Farage to shove it up his hoop.”

NewsThump best selling notebooks