Nigel Farage planning eighth attempt to gain access to Parliament’s heavily subsidised bars

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Nigel Farage will shortly reveal that he will be making yet another attempt to gain unfettered access to the taxpayer-subsidised bars in the Houses of Parliament.

Mr Farage, who has failed to gain entry to the discount piss-up on seven previous occasions, said that he had reached the decision after careful consideration.

“It was important to work out where I would be best positioned during the next few years,” he said.

“I concluded that propping up a bar surrounded by MAGA loons wasn’t as cost-effective as being slumped over a table in the Palace of Westminster while opening my third bottle of port.”

Farage fan Derek Williams will be hoping he can shake off his previous disappointments.

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He told us, “Yes, Nigel has failed to become an MP on seven occasions. And yes, he once lost to a man dressed as a dolphin.

“To lose so often, and so spectacularly, while still being portrayed by the media as ‘successful’ is truly inspirational to losers like myself.

“And if he doesn’t win, then he’ll have something new to moan about for the next few years to all of his credulous supporters like me. So it’s win-win.”

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