New holder of ‘World’s Oldest Person’ title hoping to avoid the curse that has struck down all previous incumbents

author avatar by 2 months ago

After French nun Lucile Randon, the world’s oldest person at 118 years of age, died on Sunday, the new holder of the title, Derek Williams, 113, is hoping to avoid the curse that struck down every holder of the title before him.

Basingstoke resident Williams is now the world’s oldest person, though he is worried that the title is cursed.

He told reporters, “Yes, to hear I am now the world’s oldest person is a bit worrying if I’m being honest. Holders of this title tend to last about as long as Tory prime ministers. Lucile only had the title just over a year. The one before her was only a couple of months.

“It’s more than a little concerning – it sometimes feels like barely a month goes by without you opening the papers to see that the world’s oldest person has died – again! And yet the authorities continue to do nothing about it.

“How many more of the world’s oldest people have to die before you all start taking this curse seriously?

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“I honestly thought I might have another good ten years left in me, but now? What chance do I have against the curse of the World’s Oldest Person?

“I did think it might be a conspiracy, and that maybe the previously oldest people knew too much about some dangerous people and were being bumped off – but the fact, is I know absolutely bugger all about anything, so it can’t be that.

“But when I do go, I’ve no doubt the Internet will be full of credulous morons insisting it’s because I was vaccinated.”