Scottish man arrested under new hate speech laws after being caught using abusive language designed to stir up hatred in bathroom mirror

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A self-loathing Edinburgh resident has been arrested under Scotland’s new hate speech laws after his flatmate caught him hurling all manner of abuse at himself in the mirror this morning.

Simon Williams, 32, wanted to be an artist but instead followed his parents wished in studying business en route to becoming a chartered accountant. However, his internal self-loathing leaks out from time to time, much the the shock of his flatmates.

Flatmate Jason, 34, told us, “The first time I heard him, it took me back, I thought he was letting someone have it on the phone, but then I realised he was shouting at himself, and being very personal about it.

“However, there was nothing illegal about that back then. There is now.

“No one likes a grass, but what choice did I have? I was trying to eat my cornflakes this morning and all I could hear from the bathroom was Simon screaming ‘You are a pathetic worm contributing nothing of any value to anyone on this planet! What good are you? Nothing!’

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“He was pointing angrily at himself and continued, ‘You’re just a speccy four-eyed loser who will die alone, unfulfilled and unloved! Everyone hates you, including ME!’.

“So I called the police, and when they came they watched the recording I’d made of him using abusive language designed to stir up hatred, and decided to arrest him before taking him away.

“I’m just a law-abiding citizen doing my bit to make society better for everyone, plus I’m sure this whole incident will do wonders for his self-esteem.”