Our democratic principles are under threat, insists Prime Minister no-one voted for

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Our democracy is under threat from groups who don’t believe our way of doing things, according to the current prime minister, and third of this parliament, in a government unrecognisable from the one elected in 2019.

Sunak stood before 10 Downing Street on a Friday night, for all the world like a man killing time until is Deliveroo order arrives, to explain to the people of this country that our democratic principles are under threat, but no, not like that.

“No, I realise that literally none of you voted for me to be prime minister, but that’s different. Yes, I understand the people who voted Tory in 2019 did so to put Boris in number 10, but democracy is a funny thing. One minute you’re voting for a very specific thing, something about which you are VERY clear in your head. The next, something very different is happening and you’re being told this is what you voted for.

“Yes, just like Brexit, and just like me being prime minister. This is the price you pay for living in a democratic society. Sometimes you vote for something, win the vote, and then something entirely different happens… just because.

“This bait and switch tactic is core to the British political system, so we must not let protestors do any of that inconvenient protesting stuff to draw attention to our duplicitous nature.

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“If you think this is another small step towards us introducing laws that would allow us to lock up protesters for saying things we don’t like, then you would be very astute.”