How to be suitably enraged by the M&S Christmas advert – an idiot’s eight-point guide to joining the front lines of the culture war

author avatar by 1 month ago

Are you desperate to join the front lines of the culture war, but struggle to know what you should be angry about, and for what reason? Or are you irrationally angry at some things but need a better way to articulate your reasoning to the woke brigade who are obviously to blame? Then this guide is for you.

The culture war is being fought on every street of this country, and nowhere is it clearer than in the fight to remove insidious Christmas adverts from our airwaves. The Wokeista mob are trying desperately to, well, sell more things at Christmas, and that simply will not stand!

This is your opportunity to join the front lines of the culture war, and dive in. You can show everyone you mean business and that the culture war infantry is choc full of competent soldiers, making well-thought-out arguments for their position, and finding a way to win with reason and facts.

Or, if that’s too difficult, you can simply follow our guide below instead, and still become a hero to culture warriors everywhere:

  1. Lie about what the Marks and Spencer advert is actually doing. It’s all a plot to corrupt the nation’s children, right? No? Well, it COULD be, and that’s enough for you, right? Who cares, lie loudly enough and PLENTY of people will believe you. The truth is NOT your friend in the culture war.
  2. Take offence at all the imaginary people who’ve taken offence at your offence. Sure, people are mostly laughing at you, but it’s easier to pretend there are lots of people offended by you being offended. In the culture wars it’s always better to take a position against a hallucinated enemy you don’t actually name, because they can’t fight back.
  3. Pretend it affects you personally in any way whatsoever. Someone will ask “why do you care about this, you no one is forcing you to shop at Marks and Spencer?” – so be prepared to claim that changes like this filter through society and make everyone’s life worse, including yours. Where does this end? With every man in a dress and a wig, wearing ridiculously well-done make-up? This country is going to the dogs. Yes it is, shut up.
  4. Lie again about what Marks and Spencer’s advert is doing. We can’t emphasise this enough. If it’s not getting the traction you need, link them to paedos.
  5. Draw an extremely tenuous line between Marks and Spencer’s Christmas advert and ALL of society’s ills, as you perceive them. You can link any culture war issue to any OTHER culture war issue, if you try hard enough. Be creative. M&S’s Christmas advert is very easy to link to migrant boats, for example. See our next point below.
  6. Criticise Marks and Spencer for using fake names, because it’s not run by a Mark or a Spencer – and fake names is precisely how many illegal immigrants get work here in the UK. Is their love of fake ID a coincidence? I think not. Did you know one of these immigrants committed a murder recently? Well, they did. It was in the news. This country has gone to the dogs. See how easy that was?
  7. When the time comes that all of your positions have been shown to be false, or based on fake news, move on to the next culture war battle while claiming victory.
  8. Repeat ad-infinitum.

Are you a member of the wokerati? Then we’ve got just the thing for you…