Rishi Sunak confirms tax cuts would take all the fun out of tax avoidance

author avatar by 9 months ago

Rishi Sunak has confirmed to sources at the Conservative party conference that cutting taxes would take all the fun out of avoiding paying taxes in the first place.

The Prime Minister claimed that it’s just not realistic to expect wealthy tax avoiders like himself to get the same exhilarating thrills they currently derive from dodging taxes, were the government to lower them significantly. 

Speaking earlier he revealed, “I’d be completely lost. It would be like going from sky diving off the the top of the Shard to bungee jumping off a deck chair. Who gets a kick out of that?

“The tragic thing that no one tells you when you marry into unprecedented wealth, is that life becomes almost too easy to the point that you get chronically bored, so you need to come up with morally bankrupt ways to entertain yourself, to still feel invigorated, kind of like the eccentric billionaire does in Squid Game – expect in our case we just find ways to avoid paying tax and no one dies.

“Well, except the people who die from a lack of appropriate quality public services. So I guess – in a funny sort of way – some people will, in fact, die from our little game.

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“But it’s worth it. Well, to me, and my peers, anyway. If the government did need a bit more money we’d just put a penny on normal income tax and make the plebs pay for it.”

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