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Liz Truss has used a speech at the Tory conference to call for more ‘hand-jobs and ice-cream’ for CEOs to encourage businesses to stay in the UK.
“People say that making profits should be reward enough for successful companies,” she explained to an appreciative crowd that included Jacob Rees-Mogg, Nigel Farage, and Satan.
“But I say that is a socialist view. Successful companies deserve much, much more that just profits. Successful companies should never have to pay any tax, if anything, we should pay them tax for being so successful.
“The CEOs of successful companies should be treated as the gods they so clearly are. There should be daily parades through the streets for CEOs of successful companies. CEOs of successful companies should be given hand-jobs and ice-cream whenever they want them.”
The crowd responded to the speech with cheers and a long period of applause. Many in the business community seemed to support the sentiments in the speech.
“Well, I quite like hand-jobs and ice-cream,” said CEO Jeremy Bastard.
“So, I really think that Liz is on to something here. I’d like to see some more jelly with that ice-cream but, broadly speaking, I support the sentiments here.”
With the support of a variety of Tory ministers and business leaders onside, it would seem that despite last year’s brief residence at number 10, Trussenomics has gone nowhere, and with the very real prospect of a Liz Truss comeback, it might be wise for the economy to brace itself for another complete catastrophe.
Thick Lizzy – get the mug here!
