Man stubbornly refuses to try any of the fifteen other settings on his washing machine

author avatar by 11 months ago

A man who has used the same setting to do all his washing has today confirmed that he won’t be trying any of the other weird and wonderful settings any time soon.

Christopher James, an unemployed spoon bender, has had his washing machine for five years and uses the ‘Quick Wash’ function at 40 degrees, regardless of what he is washing.

“I’ve only ever used that one because it is done in thirty to forty minutes,” he told us.

“Why would I want a washing cycle that lasts an hour and half or more, it doesn’t make any sense.”

He explained, “The quick wash works for everything; t-shirts, jeans, bedsheets, cushions and football boots, and they always come out looking great.

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“I even dropped my hamster in there once and he came out a lot cleaner, if not a little dizzy.”

Simon Williams, a spokesperson for washing machine manufacturer Bosh! told us, “Yes, this is unfortunately quite a common issue, and it is very frustrating for us. Not the hamster incident, that’s just bizarre; I mean using only one setting.

“We spend millions of pounds every year developing each model of washing machine to provide the widest range of options for our customers and most end up using just one, or maybe two of the cycles at a push.”

He concluded, “It’s true that our control panels can sometimes be a bewildering display of numbers and phrases that no-one really understands, but I lay the blame with clothing manufacturers who expect people to somehow comprehend all those weird hieroglyphics on the washing instructions.”

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