by 
From the Archives: 22nd April 1904
Wilbur and Orville Wright have been thwarted in their latest attempt to perfect the flying machine by a crowd of credulous simpletons who believe the machine will be used for nefarious mind-control purposes.
The fantastic Wright Flyer II was due for a series of test flights on the Huffman Prarie, but tests were halted after a crowd of protesters began getting very cross indeed at the miraculous lighter than air machine that they demonstrably fail to understand.
Protester Harold Williams told us, “The Wright brothers are intent on poisoning our minds, the evidence is there for you all to see. Just look! You can even smell it.
“I walked behind that infernal machine at a previous test and the vapours immediately brought on a prolonged period of nausea, and the following day I felt a strange sexual attraction to another man, which could only be caused by the evil fumes of the Wright Flyer II.
“Wilbur and Orville ‘claim’ to be developing a machine that will revolutionise travel and bring the entire world closer together, but clearly, this is just a tool of the government designed to subjugate its citizens and turn them all into sexual deviants.
“No, I don’t know WHY they are doing it. I just know that they are.”
“Remember, there is nothing in the constitution about these so-called air-of-planes, and therefore they are evil and should be banned. There is nothing wrong with getting from A to B using a horse.”
Wilbur Wright told us, “Sure, the protest is a small setback, but ignorance never stops progress for long.
“I’m sure that in a hundred years these dim-witted low-educated dolts will be consigned to the history books rather than keeping busy pointing at the sky insisting the government is out to get them.”
