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Rishi Sunak has brought back stability to the government for now, but not, it seems, to the bathroom, where he has to use a she-wee to improve his toilet aim.
“I remember that there was one time he hit the ceiling. I went him after him, and you could see it, a damp patch he’d left on the ceiling,” said aide Eleanor Shawcross.
“I just said to him, I said ‘Rishi, you may be a competent and reasonably likeable alternative to the recent political turmoil, but you can’t just be weeing everywhere like that. It’s not on. Sir Geoffrey Howe wouldn’t do that.”
It has been an issue that had plagued the PM for all his life, and whilst he was a hedge-fund manager, he’d hired a personal toilet cleaner called Edna who would follow him into every toilet that he used and give it a complete top-to-bottom clean.
“Well, I told him he couldn’t be having a personal toilet cleaner now, not with the cost-of-living crisis and told him to give my she-wee a try,” continued Ms Shawcross.
The innovative product proved a boon as it was able to guarantee a consistent and reliable stream and allow the PM to maintain a constant aim into the toilet.
“I suppose it’s a little weird and embarrassing, but it’s better than wee on the ceiling.”
It is understood that the Conservative Party is currently considering releasing ‘Rishi She-wees’ as a promotional campaign product for the next election.
