‘It’s bloody Easter!’ insist shops

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Shops have insisted today that it’s Easter, so you need to start buying all your Easter eggs. Right away. 

With Christmas finished and Halloween now a distant memory, shops across the UK have immediately stocked up with thousands of Easter eggs which we need to start buying now because it’s Easter.  

Supermarket manager Simon Williams confirmed, “It’s fucking Easter! Hurry while stocks last.

“We have immediately stocked up on thousands of Easter eggs and chocolate bunnies because it’s Easter. Now. 

“That’s why people need to quickly start spending money on shite again to make us some more money. 

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“Which they can eat before Easter and buy all over again thus spending double the amount they should.”

Asked if the eggs will be on sale right up to April, we were told, “Yes, but we will need to start the Halloween stuff in March so it will be a bit cramped.”