NewsThump Recruitment Job Alert: Avaricious patsy urgently needed to be nominal CEO of social media company

author avatar by 1 month ago

An exciting new position is opening in a top-tier social media company which is looking for a motivated team player happy to receive regular feedback from an ‘eccentric’ owner and be held legally responsible for an oncoming hellscape of crypto scams and unbridled Nazism.

Job duties to include:

  • Updating verifications systems according to drug-induced whims
  • Informing the public of that freemason Jewish plot to make kids into trans socialists through vaccination, that you just heard about
  • Telling creditor banks or the IRS that Elon is out
  • Ending the scourge of plane watching
  • Making sure no board members ever go to Austria, Germany or any other country where Holocaust denial is a crime
  • Turning a notoriously unprofitable company into a moneymaker even though advertisers, your only significant revenue source, have abandoned you because they’re woke or something
  • Paying off whoever has been baselessly called a pedo by a petulant idiot
  • Other administrative duties as required

Our generous remuneration package includes a competitive salary plus sizeable stock options which are worth millions according to people who buy shares based on sad teenage stoner jokes, or worth f**k-all according to everyone else. We also have loads of dogecoin if you prefer that.

Ideal candidates will have a proven track record of sitting quietly and pretending to listen while a glorified venture capitalist who thinks he’s Tony Stark waffles on about things he knows nothing about.

Please send CV, cover letter and an introductory video to [email protected] with reference FndScpgt4Elon/222312.