With the big day approaching, families worldwide are preparing to spend Christmas Day celebrating the birth of a man who’d be described as an ‘out-of-touch woke lefty’ if he was alive today.
Christmas is traditionally a time when people come together to celebrate something that didn’t happen, reflect on values they don’t possess and feel proud of the things they’re not doing.
“Things were different back in Biblical times,” explained Tory supporter and GB News viewer Simon Williams.
“Back then, you could make your own commandments without interference from meddling Human Rights lawyers bureaucrats and the wokerati.
“I’m certain that if Jesus were alive today, he’d be urging the government to close the borders, take back control and implement a Rwandan deportation system.
“And if he’d seen what the NHS has become, I’m sure he’d stop healing the sick for free at the point of need, and instead would be looking to introduce private sector efficiencies to treat all those leppers.
“As for feeding the 5,000, well, I’m sure he would agree that handouts just don’t work. Jesus fed them all, and there are still hungry people today, which proves my point. He would definitely call for them all to cancel Netflix, stop eating avocados, and to get a better job so they could afford to feed themselves.
“It’s just common sense.”