‘Energy prices are simply unaffordable’, insists man with house covered in glowing Halloween lights

author avatar by 1 year ago

Simon Williams from Retford has been bemoaning spiralling energy prices for people across the country who have a 20-foot ghost on their roof that is lighting up the entire street.

Williams, who was dressed up as a vampire in woman’s suspenders for some reason, said, “the cost of living crisis is getting worse if anything. 

“The situation with energy prices is particularly dire. You’re looking at big Casper up there, aren’t you?

“Pretty cool, right? Watch, I can make it even brighter. See. You almost need sunglasses, even though it’s dark now.

“Anyway, what was I saying? Right, yes, energy costs. Like everyone, really, we’re really struggling and now it looks like the government is going to row back on its promises to introduce a price cap.

“Oh, wait. What time is it?

“Sorry, I mustn’t forget to plug in the 30-foot mechanised spider attached to the garage, and my ghost train that does laps of the garden. 

“It’s just a bit of harmless fun, what with all these other worries.”

Simon’s neighbour, Gareth, who was standing in front of a darkened house shivering, commented, “I turn off the light after I leave every room and, no your eyes are not deceiving you, I am wearing three jumpers.” 

Gareth sighed, “I wish I could say this was a one-off, but for the entire month of December you can see his house from fucking space. I kid you not. 

“But when I see him every morning, he does shake his head and bemoans the cost of everything.

“So, that’s nice.”