by 
The UK has been informed that, following a brief meeting bookended by two awkward bows, two multi-millionaires – neither of who has been elected into their respective offices by the public – will form a new government to run the county.
One member of the public said, “I just saw it on the news. One MP entered a wood-panelled room and announced that we had a new leader, Rishi Sunak. It was followed by some MPs banging the tables for some reason.
“It’s just so relatable to my day spent working in Screwfix.
“He is then going to go to see the King who will then agree he can be Prime Minister. It’s all happening this morning, apparently.
“Oh, and I heard that the new Prime Minister has ruled out holding a general election to let the public vote on all this, so he will be in charge for another two years before we get a chance to decide if we think any of this is okay.
“I mean, it all sounds like a perfectly reasonable way to decide who governs the country for the next two years as we head into a recession during a cost of living crisis and face spiralling mortgage costs. Mortgage costs that were directly created by decisions made by the last Prime Minister who we also didn’t have a choice in electing.”
Tory MP and Sunak supporter, Simon Williams scoffed, “Ah, yes. The old ‘he wasn’t elected by the public, quip’. That nugget is always wheeled out by all of those who seem to forget that we live in a Parliamentary democracy.
“Are you listening carefully, children? “We do not elect Presidents in this country!”
When asked to explain the apparent inconsistency between this statement, and his repeated calls for Gordon Brown to call an election when he replaced Tony Blair, Williams laughed and said, “That is like comparing the situation to when I constantly berated my colleagues for wanting to ditch Boris Johnson when he was the reason why why we got a majority in the first place.”
When Williams was further challenged that this was just a further example of him being inconsistent, Williams responded through pursed lips, “This is just another example of the Guardian-reading Tofu-eating Wokerati trying to do this country down.”
Are you a member of the Guardian-reading Tofu-eating Wokerati?
