Maya Jama confirmed as new carer to 36 sex starved simpletons

author avatar by 4 months ago

ITV2 has confirmed that Maya Jama will be the new host of reality TV’s lowest common denominator, Love Island.

The show, which last series attracted more than 1500 complaints, mainly from viewers asking “what on Earth is this shit?”, will rely on its trusted previous format of sending a wide range of insecure misfits into the glare of prime time television for a few weeks, and crossing its fingers that nothing very bad happens.

Show producer Simon Williams told us this morning that he was “delighted that we are still getting away with this, despite, you know, everything.

“Reality TV has been a huge hit for years now and is definitely what the public wants.

“Encouraging a bunch of emotionally fragile young people to form cliques, spout venom behind each other’s backs, have sex on TV, believe that somebody has eventually fallen in love with them and then sod off with their new BFF, resulting in broken hearts and a belief that they can never trust anyone ever again, is such a hoot!

“It’s a true reflection of the world that we live in today, everybody gets it – it’s so relatable!”

Candy Mammaries and Joe Schlong, two of the contestants hoping to enter the Love Island Villa for the next series said this morning that they “can’t wait”.

“I really fink it’ll grew me as a person and I’ll be great and famous soon,” an excited Joe squealed.

“I pacifically fink that the same,” added Candy.

It is believed that the contestants will be limited to what they can take with them into the famous Villa, with only two items from the list of condoms, steroids, botox, a psychiatrist or a copy of Stephen Hawking’s blockbuster “A Brief History of Time”.

The new show will be aired next year and will last for what seems several human lifetimes.