Wednesday 17 August 2022 by Daniel Hopkins

More bodies discovered in Willy Wonka’s chocolate river following drought


Chocolate River

A further three children’s bodies have been recovered from the chocolate river in Willy Wonka’s factory, after drought conditions led to the levels dropping so far they revealed the riverbed.

The river had dried up as a result of the ongoing global drought, which has seen numerous bodies of water recede or disappear entirely.

A total of 19 bodies have been found since the factory river began drying up last month. 

Some were found with comical expressions and appeared to be happy, while others were found to be tied up with liquorice. 

At least two bodies were found in a glass elevator, which had sunk to the bottom of the river. 

A spokesman for Mr Wonka said, “All of these children received clear warnings that their were dangers here. This has been a problem since the 70s, but ultimately Mr Wonka is totally absolved of all blame.

“After all, what’s a few dead kids when our Wonka bars are enjoyed by millions of children every day all over the world? That’s got to count for something.”

In addition to the children’s bodies, an Oompa Loompa was found in a concrete filled bathtub, which police have said they are actively investigating.

The spokesman added, “All of the factory employees are aware of the repercussions should they ever attempt to leave.”

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