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NewsThump has developed an exclusive product to make sure patriotic Brexiteers going for a continental holiday (only because Skegness is fully booked up, obviously) get to retain all their marvellous Brexit benefits while behind enemy lines.
For a paltry £15.99 per person per day, our comprehensive Brexicard service will guarantee you will never be lured into regretting your brilliant 2016 vote by easy transnational movement or other temptations of still functioning societies. It covers:
Transport
No vile open borders for you! Once in our database, your name will be put on an Interpol amber notice. While Jean-Pierre and Pedro just drive through borders like national sovereignty doesn’t matter, you will be proudly detained and questioned for a minimum of 10 hours. You’ll be singing Jerusalem as they ask you to grab your left ankle and cough!
Shopping
Brexicard has teamed up with all the leading supermarket brands in Europe to ensure you will shop just like in Merry Old England. Over 6500 food items are now impossible for you to acquire. And those that you can buy will have a 25% markup. For the Queen!
Communication
All Brexicard holders get to keep their glorious roaming charges. Even if your Remainer granddaughter buys a sim card in Calais, Brexicard holders will automatically have £10 debited from their current account and given to a CEO of a telecoms company.
Health Insurance
If you fall ill and taken to some smugly well-staffed foreign hospital, Brexicard VIP status will mean you will receive NHS level treatment and be left to moan for hours on an unhygienic trolley wedged next to the vending machines.
Apply for YOUR Brexicard before August 15th and receive 30% extra sovereignty!
