Charity shops overwhelmed by sudden surge in donations of M&S waistcoats

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Following England’s 4-0 drubbing at the hands of Hungary, charity shops across the country have this morning been besieged by donations of precision-tailored M&S waistcoats.

The chic garments achieved peak demand during England’s last World Cup campaign, but their popularity has hit the floor quicker than a Greek barman on the receiving end of a Harry Maguire bill query. 

As calls for Gareth Southgate’s head rang out, Oxfam staff found their doorways blocked with the finest silk “statement purchases” that you can get for £47.99, including packaging and shipping. 

Even Colleen Rooney and Rebekah Vardy have put their differences aside over the outfits, with Vardy branding wearers as bandwagon-jumping c**ts via her agent. 

The sudden rush in donations means parts of the Congo could soon reach levels of sartorial elegance on a par with Knightsbridge despite ongoing drought, civil war and Belgian peacekeepers. 

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And in a tea-time outburst, Blue Peter’s, Richie Driss, pleaded with viewers to “stop sending us your fucking Gareth Southgate inspired cast-offs”, adding “you don’t need your parents’ permission.”  

Fashion company CEO and England fan, Simon Williams, added, “Since wearing one of these to boardroom meetings, my company’s profits have all but evaporated and I have consistently failed to make the best use of the resources at my disposal.”

He added, “With Gareth Southgate’s future hanging in the balance, the Graham Taylor shell-suit is making an impressive comeback.

“Even if he isn’t.”