The perfect ragestorm of European judges interfering in Britain’s sovereign act of racism has delighted many Brexiters by giving them such a blood rush they managed to get a proper hate-stiffy, the likes of which they had not experienced since the Brexit wars of three years ago.
Simon Williams, a retiree in Crawley who had been equally flaccid and despondent since the act of leaving the European Union for good deprived him of the only reason he had to shower spittle on his copy of the Daily Express, confirmed he was fuming, but also fully tumescent.
He went on, “It’s nothing short of a miracle. For three years, I’ve felt empty since we left the EU. Day after day of staring at the walls and fearful to check the news in case I see yet another demonstration of the stupidity of the vote which became my entire identity.
“Of course, I tried to get stimulated by hating people coming in on boats or footballers taking a knee but it’s never the same as calling people traitors on Twitter for pointing out how International treaties work.
“But today, a miracle! Unelected judges in Strasbourg of all places, got in the way of Priti’s reboot of the Madagascar Plan. I fumed, I ranted and I even called my own granddaughter a bitch after she pointed out the ECHR had nothing to do with the EU. It was just like good the old days! And yes, I’ve got a diamond-cutter hard-on right now.
“Honestly, if the story had involved travellers or Meghan Markle, I think I would now be lying dead in a pool of nose blood and jizz.”