Russia’s propaganda machine went into top gear last night with a devastating claim that the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, wrote gags for popular standup act Michael McIntyre.
Putin made the assertions during a rambling hour-long speech, insisting Zelensky’s jokes were used by McIntyre at the Wembley Arena and included a fifteen-minute routine about doing the hoovering.
If verified, the claims would see Ukrainian rebels laying down their arms and lead to Russia being invited back to the international SWIFT payment system and “chip and pin”.
After placing his nuclear deterrent on high alert, Putin told reporters, “The Nazi Zelensky write bland material for chubby man with family audience. This why Putin send in tank.
“Stewart Lee is much better comedians. Make Putin laugh with joke about Richard Hammond.”
Zelensky meanwhile rejected Putin’s latest salvo, insisting there’s not a shred of evidence linking him to some “hilarious” material about being stuck in traffic jams.
McIntyre also played down suggestions of a link, claiming he was busy writing a new routine about drivers failing to give way during a nuclear winter.
Zelensky added, “Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever tried to repel a foreign invader and then realize you’ve left the oven on?
“Why do people do that!”