CBeebies refuses bedtime story offer from Prince Andrew

Prince Andrew will definitely not be reading a CBeebies bedtime story after the children’s channel refused his generous offer, according to reports this morning.

With news emerging today that The Duchess of Cambridge is set to read the CBeebies bedtime story to mark Children’s Mental Health Week, further news has now revealed that Prince Andrew will definitely not be involved, at all, ever.

A spokesperson for the BBC told us, “Definitely not. Under no circumstances.

“We wanted to give the CBeebies slot the royal treatment in order to mark Children’s Mental Health Week, so we immediately looked at our options.

“Obviously Prince Harry wanted to be involved, as long as there was a decent bit of money in it for him, and Edward said he’d do it too, but unfortunately he can’t read.

“Prince Andrew heard we were looking, and because he has a lot of spare time right now he put his name forward. He said he was particularly keen to read Goldilocks, as he’s quite fond of the story of an underage girl who willingly gets into the bed of a complete stranger. But fuck no, definitely not, absolutely no way.

“So we ended up going for Kate, as it’s the safest option all round and hopefully we can get through unscathed and people will like the Royals again, oh and she’s definitely not a… you know.

“We are really looking forward to it.”

Asked if there is any particular reason they would not consider asking Prince Andrew to read a bedtime story to children we were told, “Erm… it’s just… you know… the whole accused of being a nonce thing.”