Social media addictions cured by timelines becoming 100% Wordle

A man’s admitted social media addiction has been completely cured by having timelines full of smug gits showing off their prowess at a silly 5-letter word game.

Misanthrope, Simon Williams, said, “I was completely hooked on checking Facebook and Twitter; totally at the behest of their clever algorithms that had – let’s face it – figured me out better than my wife ever had.

“I was on the phone checking after every single notification, sucked in and then doomscrolling in an attempt to get to the end of level boss, who never appeared.

“But, a couple of weeks ago, little green and yellow boxes started appearing all over my timelines. At first, I thought it was a problem with my eyes, then I rang my ISP to complain there was something wrong with my router.

“They informed me there wasn’t a problem – at least, not technically.

“I subsequently noticed the scores at the side: 1/6, 2/6,… the whole thing was a horrific flashback to my school maths tests.

“But what I realised most was… I literally did not give a single solitary fuck about your Wordle score. None of them. I don’t know what it is, nor do I wish to find out.

“So, you know what, I turned it off. All of it. Deleted Twitter and Facebook and now I’m just, well…happy! I recommend it wholeheartedly to anyone!

“Not that anyone will care. They’re too busy playing fucking Wordle…”

The best Boris Wordle Mug you’ll ever see!