BBC averts Licence Fee freeze after commissioning several shows based on Nadine Dorries’ books

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In a purely coincidental sequence of events, proposed cuts to the BBC were shelved after it announced it would begin production of big-budget epics based on the Culture Secretary’s best-selling novels such as Shamrock Of Lust and Being Poor Was Great In The Fifties.

Deputy Director Simon Williams denied that the Culture Secretary’s threats to defund the BBC had anything to do with the decision to commission multi-season series based on her novels about Catholic women having a brilliant time living in abject conditions.

He explained, “It’s just one of those funny little serendipities of life.

“Our beloved Culture Secretary was reflecting that she had been a bit harsh by freezing the Licence Fee just as we discovered a great popular demand for historical series based on happily illiterate Irish peasants shagging themselves silly after a windfall of potatoes.

“That and a series highlighting how domestic violence, alcoholism, infant mortality and abject poverty in a Liverpool slum were great fun to live with as long as everyone living there is white.”

The Culture Secretary has often courted controversy with her public statements decrying the BBC’s refusal to highlight all the amazing things the government has done during a prime time show or getting the Panorama team to investigate if Diane Abbot recycles properly.

Ms Dorries is also spearheading the government’s legislation to stop online harassment and is adept at using social media to respond to criticism.

Although she would not discuss the policy in detail she did tweet to selected journalists that she would “find out where you live and blind your children with battery acid, you fucking cyber-bullying cunt! #BeKind #VoteConservative.”