Wednesday 8 December 2021 by Daniel Hopkins

Tory donor lands lucrative party hat contract


Tory donor wins lucrative party hat contract

A Tory donor has landed himself a lucrative £800,000 contract to supply party hats to government buildings.

Sir Lennard Collingsworth has bagged the contract following a battle between himself and other Tory donors to secure the work.

Sir Lennard supplied thousands of party hats to the government last Christmas but insisted that this was merely part of an experimental venture into the market.

He said, “I supplied the hats to see how sustainable it would be, and I am pleased to report they were incredibly effective in Down, er, … Downsville Road Social Club, where I worked at an outdoor soup kitchen.”

When pressed, Sir Lennard admitted he had provided some party hats to Number 10 last year, but declined to say what they were for.

He added, “Yes, I ran a trial period of supplying party hats to Downing Street, but only because I needed an address to send them to. It’s the most famous address in the country- and I knew I’d remember it!

“I am assured that the government is using these party hats for only the most noblest of reasons. From alternative face masks to upturning them and filling them with water for the homeless. Merry Christmas, one and all.”

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