William Shatner steals Blue Origin rocket to search for reborn Leonard Nimoy

author avatar by 3 years ago

An arrest warrant has been issued for Star Trek actor William Shatner, who is reported to have stolen the Blue Origin rocket he launched in today.

It is believed that Shatner carried out the audacious theft with a group of friends after claiming they just wanted to ‘look the old bird over’ before overcoming the crew and taking control shortly before launch.

Jeff Bezos is reported to be incredulous about the crime, as the rocket is not designed for more than five minutes in space, let alone five years..

A spokesperson said, “We just don’t understand how they got her going. She’s not got the power or thrust to escape Earth’s gravitational field.”

“Quite simply, the engines cannae take it.”

“The only way they could get that thing properly spaceworthy would be to steal parts from a nuclear vessel, and who has the ability to do that?”

Shatner to search for Nimoy

Shatner and his crew – reported to comprise Nichelle Nichols, George Takei and Walter Koenig – are understood to believe that Leonard Nimoy will have been reborn on a new, Edenic alien world as suggested in a 1984 documentary.

When asked their course, shortly before passing out of radio range, Shatner is reported to have replied “Second star on the left, and straight on ’til morning.”