Comic fan furious after flamboyant superhero wearing extravagant cape and bright red underwear over his trousers revealed to be ‘not entirely straight’

author avatar by 3 years ago

A comic fan has today announced his extreme disappointment that the new Superman is bisexual, insisting the character should be as straight as they come, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

Furious comic fan Simon Williams told us, “Superman is an alien from a destroyed planet, who fortunately has a penis that is compatible with the human species, so he should definitely only fancy women.  That’s just science. I don’t see what’s controversial about that? If I was an alien with a penis-shaped penis, then I’d fancy women too.”

However, people who have been reading comics for many years have insisted the latest revelation is not remotely surprising.

Long-time Superman fan Chris Matthews told us, “Superman swings both ways? Yeah, that figures. I mean, he has a persona that wears a grey suit with glasses and is classically ‘straight and boring’, and then a hidden one that is obsessed with wearing bright coloured underwear and bright red boots? Yeah, he sounds completely straight, right?

“He lives a secret life that he keeps from his loved ones and friends because he’s worried about how society will judge him? Come on, seriously? You didn’t even have a clue he might have a few bisexual tendencies?

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“I mean, short of ditching the phone box to make Superman get changed inside a literal closet I’m not sure how much more ‘on the nose’ the writers could have made it.”

Williams has said he will stop reading Superman comics altogether until “the writers agree to start including storylines where Superman bangs loads of smoking hot chicks, like in the olden days.”