Tuesday 5 October 2021 by Mark Molloy

Insulate Britain to improve their popularity with the general public by killing puppies


Insulate Britain to murder puppies

Insulate Britain protesters are to consider killing small puppies on the street and being overtly racist to drivers, in a move designed to boost their already sky-high popularity rating in London.

With footage emerging yesterday of protesters blocking the path of a woman trying to get to the hospital to see her poorly mother, leading protesters from the group have now revealed they intend to kill some defenceless puppies tomorrow whilst sat on the M25 motorway, before drowning some cats online.

A spokesperson for the group revealed, “Yeah, we’re already pretty damn popular that’s for sure, but we need to take it a step further and make sure everyone likes us.

“That’s why tomorrow morning, we intend to bring some puppies with us to our rush-hour protest, and basically just kill them in public whilst everyone sits there in traffic”

“We’re also going to start on the old racism too, and just dish it out all over the place to anyone who will listen, before drowning some cats online, just to make our point, a point which should of course be completely clear to everyone by now.

“You just watch, our popularity will shoot through the roof. And if it doesn’t, we’ll block the fucking M1 too, as well as the M25.

“Trust me, there is no end to the ways we will make your lives miserable until you agree that we’re great.”

Commuter Simon Williams, who was sat on the M25 for 3 hours yesterday and lost a days wages as a result, told us “Bloody love these guys!”

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