Tuesday 28 September 2021 by Pete Redfern

Government insists the Army will just be there to help people celebrate all the post-Brexit winning


Boris brings in the army to help with all the winning

The thousands of troops who are being deployed to the streets of Britain will just be there to let off party-poppers, Boris Johnson’s cabinet has confirmed.

The government has insisted that the sight of armed soldiers on Britain’s streets should not be a cause for alarm, nor an indicator that Brexit isn’t going quite as well as hoped, but instead to instil a sense of patriotic celebration of the countless wins of a no-deal Brexit.

“It’s really quite simple,” explained Downing St spokesperson Simon Williams.

“There is a very real danger that this perception of a fuel shortage is preventing families from engaging in all the celebrations that should be taking place in these sunlit uplands.

“People seem to be obsessed with chalking every little hiccup up to Brexit, instead of being immensely thankful to live in a country that has fully taken back control.”

He said, “The troops are there merely to hang out bunting, set off party poppers and fireworks, and maybe do a bit of cake baking for all the street parties that should definitely be happening right now as we experience the wonderful results of telling all the EU workers to go back to their own countries.”

He went on, “It’ll be brilliant, just like the spirit of the Blitz that everyone seemed to go on about.

“Actually, maybe don’t put that last bit in – we wouldn’t want people to relate Brexit to anything negative.”

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