Old people are set to be forced to drive heavy good vehicles as a new ‘one-step solution to everything’ according to the government this morning.
With the Prime Minister set to reveal a major overhaul of the social care system later today, a controversial decision to force old people to drive HGVs until at least the age of 85 is set to be announced, effectively solving all of the nation’s problems in one simple move.
Speaking earlier, a jubilant Boris Johnson revealed “I’ve cracked it. It’s a no-brainer really, I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner!
“Right, bear with me on this one. So, old people need looking after when they stop working right? And many of them can’t afford to do this themselves.
“But at the same time, we need HGV drivers like you wouldn’t believe. Yep, I know what you’re thinking, it took me a couple of minutes too, but it’s just brilliant.
“Let’s just get all the old people to drive the lorries, that way everything is solved!
“It’s easy driving a truck too, you just sit there all day driving around, it’s basically just like being on the sofa, so they will easily be able to do it, and it will get them out of the house, too.
“Also they can get paid, and use that money to fund their own care, and McDonald’s get their milkshakes back in. Everyone’s a winner.
“I know, before you say it. Genius.”