Man declares he is ‘never drinking again’ for landmark 1000th time

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A man has declared today that he is ‘never drinking again’ for a landmark 1000th time.

Simon Williams, who also said he would not be touching a drop of booze ever again on Saturday morning, made the dramatic announcement earlier after rising from his bed hungover after going out yesterday and drinking most of the day.

Speaking earlier he told us, “Never again. No chance.

“I am not drinking again I’m telling you, and this time I mean it. There is no way I am touching a drop of alcohol ever again in my life.

“I’m fuming with myself, yet again.

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“I feel absolutely rotten after going out yesterday and drinking for most of the day, and then carrying on in the evening when I’d clearly already had enough.

“I’ve no idea what I was thinking, because I specifically said that wouldn’t drink again, just a few hours before.

“But this time I’m serious, not like the other 999 times I’ve said it, this time I really mean it, because I feel so bad.

“Granted I have said exactly the same thing 114 times already this year, but this time I definitely think I’ll stick to it.”

Asked if he has any plans for the weekend he told us, “Oh shit, I’m on a stag do.”