Majority of Paralympians ‘fit enough for work’, claims Work and Pensions Secretary

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Workshy Paralympians face cuts to their disability benefits under tight new proposals from Work and Pensions Secretary, Therese Coffey.

Coffey says she will target inspirational athletes with a broad spectrum of disabilities who ‘take the benefits system for all they can get’.

“No one is more proud of our Paralympians than I am”, she told us.

“However, if you can compete in the 2000 metres steeplechase with a prosthetic limb, chances are you can get on a bus and make it down to the Job Centre.

“Yesterday, I saw a so-called partially sighted archer hit a bullseye from a distance of fifty metres. Are you telling me that person really needs a guide dog funded by the taxpayer?”

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Coffey is keen to target a ‘small minority’ who see the Paralympics as a free lunch or high-energy carbohydrate drink.

She added, “The lesson for scroungers is that if you are fit enough to propel yourself around in a modified go-kart, relying solely on the power of your upper arms, then you’re well enough to train as a bricklayer who specialises in low-level walls.

“Providing it’s not cash in hand, obviously.”