Sunday 5 September 2021 by Chris Ballard

More High Street closures ahead as Prince Charles moves sales of honours online


prince charles selling honours online

City centre retail outlets continue to close down due to changing shopping habits – including the purchase of honours from Prince Charles’ new online store.

Nearly 50 shops a day are disappearing from British High Streets and Prince Charles must shoulder a large portion of the blame.

“The days when one could pop into Woolies and buy a pick ‘n’ mix of an MBE, CBE and a knighthood are long gone,” said wealthy Saudi businessman Shiekh Williams.

“These days, city centres are full of charity shops, branches of Costa and pop-up stores selling lucrative government contracts.

“It’s a shame, but one cannot deny the convenience of logging on to charlieshonoursshop.co.uk, ordering a CBE on a phone while taking a shit, and having it delivered to your door the very next day.

“I’ve just made my mum a Dame for her 80th and I’ve already finished my Christmas shopping – honours for the whole family!”

Prince Charles has defended his new Internet store.

“Buying knighthoods online is so much better for the environment,” he explained. “Nobody has to drive to town in a gas-guzzling four by four.

“Sure, it took mother a little while to get used to travelling around in the back of a delivery van with her ceremonial sword but she’s fully on board with the concept now.

“Although she still doesn’t like it when the recipient isn’t in and she has to wait in a wheelie bin until they come home.

“Credit where credit’s due though, this lucrative business model wasn’t my idea – this rhododendron suggested it.

“I gave it an MBE to say thanks.”

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