Tuesday 24 August 2021 by Pete Redfern

Kelis hired by McDonald’s to resolve national milkshake shortage


Kelis mcdonald's job

Fast-food chain McDonald’s have hired a musical artist from the noughties to help them overcome their national shortage of milkshakes, it has emerged.

McDonald’s announced this morning that they had completely run out of milkshakes and bottled drinks at all their stores, blaming low stock distribution caused by the continuing shortage of HGV drivers following Brexit.

“The closest we have got in the past to having no milkshakes in stock was two or three years ago when everyone went through that phase of lobbing them at the nearest fascist,” explained McDonald’s spokesperson Christopher James, taking a bite out of his KFC.

“When Nigel Farage came to this particular town we sold out within half an hour on that occasion.

“But as we have no milkshakes anywhere in the country, we had to find someone to lift us out of this crisis, and who better than Kelis?”

He went on, “Everyone knows just how successful she is at bringing customers in with her milkshakes, and we are keen for her to teach us, and are happy for her to charge us whatever she likes to do so.”

Government spokesperson Simon Williams told the press, “I would like to stress that the national supply shortages that McDonald’s are experiencing are nothing to do with Brexit.

“Loads of European lorry drivers just upped and left all at once, completely coincidentally, and for no apparent reason.

“I’ve never eaten at McDonald’s, obviously, but I gather their milkshakes are delicious – if you are a peasant – and I wish this rapper Kelis all the best in his new role, even though I’ve never heard of him.”

According to reports, Kelis is yet to begin her new job at McDonald’s after the Home Office refused to give her a work visa.

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