Monday 23 August 2021 by Dan Sweryt

Theme park bin now 100% wasp


Bin of wasps

A bin at a theme park has broken all records and is now 100% wasp.

The bin, just outside a burger restaurant in StandingInAFuckingQueueForHoursWorld, Berkshire, finally reached the landmark ratio on Friday just after 2pm.

Off-duty Guinness World Records adjudicator, bankrupted having bought his family day tickets after forgetting his breakfast cereal 2-for-1 voucher, Simon Williams, said, “I noticed the bin had a very high wasp ratio of around 65% – still much less than all the other bins in the same theme park – when I started queuing for lunch around 2pm sometime back in March.

“However, as I approached the front of the queue on Friday 20th August, the bin had become a solid black and yellow mass of wasps, all swarming around attacking people who were daring to try and eat their lunch anywhere in the park.

“I can only assume that the catering areas were serving customers so slowly that the wasps had cleared out the bins and were merely waiting to pounce on new food as it immediately left the kitchens.

“I was stung upwards of 32 times on my trip. Three of those by wasps!”

Billionaire theme park owner and minimum wage maximalist, Christopher James, said, “We will deal with this matter appropriately. I’ve already arranged for one of 1,000 murder hornet nests to be brought directly from America and installed near each and every one of the affected bins.

“That will solve a lot of problems. Like the number of people queueing for rides.”

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